Truth Unveiled
by elektra56765
Summary: Season 9 /post 9.05:After Crowley tips Sam and Dean on the location of a demon nest,the brothers set out to do their job. But what they encounter is far worse that they expected.Abaddon arrives,ready to take them down.What happens when she lets out Dean's secret?How will Sam react to being used as a vessel? Hurt ! Limp Sam, Protective ! Guilty ! Hurt ! Limp ! Dean :Warnings inside:
1. When the Veil is lifted

**Disclaimer : I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.**

**Author's note :**

**1)NOT A DEATH!FIC (but contains blood,violence and suicidal behavour)**

**2)NO SLASH OF ANY KIND**

**3)I really hope you enjoy this story!Please once you finish reading tell me what you think!Your opinion always matters! **

Months had passed since Dean stopped his little brother from completing the trials. Months since Sam was lying in a hospital bed, literally knocking on Death's Door. Months since the older Winchester gave permission to an Angel to possess the younger one and start healing him from the inside, repairing the massive damage his body suffered. During this span of time, the brothers had gone back to their original strong bond: blind trust, constantly having each other's back, hunting together and studying at the Men of Letters bunker or just enjoying being in each other's company. Sam was feeling more alive than ever, having realized he had finally found his place in life and that was next to Dean, fighting evil and carrying on the legacy bestowed upon them by their grandfather, Henry Winchester. But not everything was as ideal as it seemed. Not for Dean, at least. He was being tormented on a daily basis by the secret he was harboring, the true reason why his brother was still among the land of the living. He hated he had to pretend to Sam that nothing was wrong. He hated that he had to push Cas away. And above all, he hated himself. He had wished a million times to go back, take on the demon trials and close the Gates of Hell forever. He didn't care about dying. Because if his death meant that all the demons would vanish off the face of the earth and his brother was alive and safe, then he was all for that. But it was too late to turn anything around. Plus, Dean had made Sam a promise in that church, the night the Angels fell; they would march on together, never putting anything or anyone else in front of each other. He intended to keep that promise and so did Sam. Letting Ezekiel inside Sam was only way, the only chance to show his little brother how much there still was to fight for. He knew it was not gonna be pretty when he would find out the truth but he was ok with Sam hating him as long as he was healed completely and out of the danger of dying. Dean just hoped Sam would understand why he did what he did.

* * *

There were times when Sam looked at Dean as if he knew there was something off. He was no fool. He lived with Dean 24/7 and he could read him like an open book. Dean's heavy sighs, his troubled face expression when he was lost in deep thoughts, his edgy reaction whenever Sam would bring up Cas or the Angels. There was also the fact that they often got out of really tough situations relatively unscathed. He tried various times to touch the subject but Dean always found a way to shrug him off and Sam didn't want to push it. Of course, his mind couldn't even get close to the real truth. How could it? This had never happened to anyone before. Even for them it was impossible to comprehend.

Ezekiel worked on Sam thoroughly for quite a lot of time. He had made a very good progress and finally told Dean that he had almost finished with his job. Soon, he would be leaving Sam's body and everything would go back to normal. Dean put his trust in the Angel and for the first time in what seemed like forever he was not double crossed. He had decided that since the Angel was going away shortly, he would talk to Sam about everything after his departure. He had begun to feel relief, the burden slowly being lifted off his shoulders. That is until everything went straight to Hell.

* * *

It was just another hunt, pretty much run of the mill. Or so it seemed at first. They were after a demon nest in South Dakota. Crowley had given them information on the demons and how to find them. He hadn't done it out of the goodness of his heart, of course. These demons were far from minions of his. He knew that the first chance they had to betray him they would take it and now with Abaddon holding the reigns, it was high likely that they had joined her side. Kevin had stayed back at bunker, still trying to decipher the Angel tablet and find a way to reverse Metatron's spell. Cas had settled down somewhere in a small town, working a job in a Gas n Food station, considerably safe from Bartholomew's threats. Sam and Dean found the demons' hideout rather easily thanks to Crowley's tips. It was an abandoned diner, located in a pretty isolated area. They had left the Impala a few miles back so the demons wouldn't see them coming and they walked the distance. It was almost midnight. As they came closer they turned off their flashlights and readied their weapons. They hid behind some bushes to take a good picture of the place. Sam took out a pair of binoculars and scanned the windows and doors carefully, one by one.

"Ok. One is standing right outside of the eastern door. Three of them are sitting inside, drinking or whatever and the last I can't see very clearly because she has her back turned but she's doing something alone behind the bar."

"Alright, let's get rid of the one who's here outside, first. We make some noise to make him come our way then hide behind the dumpster" Dean explained to his brother. Sam nodded and they started shaking the branches in the bushes to attract the demon's attention. It worked. The demon's head turned towards their direction, his eyes turning black and face scowling. In a matter of seconds he was in front of the bushes the brothers were waiting earlier and he saw a piece of paper on the ground. He picked it up and read "BEHIND YOU". The male demon turned around in frustration, gritting his teeth and saw Dean waving at him.

"Hello!" Dean scoffed. As the demon made a step to attack Dean, Sam showed up behind him and stabbed him with the demon killing knife.

"And goodbye" he added, finished his brother's greeting.

Dean watched as the demon's vessel lit up in an orange light and fell on the ground with a thud. Then he glanced at Sam and they exchanged pleased looks. Sam checked agaie the inside of the diner and seeing that nothing had changed, he pointed his finger towards the back door to show Dean where they should enter the place from.

"You sure? Dean asked and Sam nodded in response.

"Ok, we go in and we raise a little hell, shall we?" Sam gave Dean an approving look and they moved towards the door. Luckily, it was unlocked and they got in quickly and as silently as they could. The door led them to a small room which, from the looks of it, was probably private for the staff when the place was still open. There were a few boxes set on a table and since their plan was the same as before – lure the demons to where they were – they threw them on the floor to make some noise. They heard the demons from the other side becoming alarmed and hurried to hide : Sam behind the door leading to the kitchen and Dean inside a surprisingly large locker, the staff presumably used to keep their clothes or other of their belongings.

"Someone's here!" one of the three male demons yelled. The female one who Sam couldn't see clearly earlier remained pretty calm and ordered two of them to go check what was happening.

"You two go and see what's going on. Kill anything that moves." The two demons looked at her hesitantly but when she glared at them they did as told. She was obviously in charge.

"You, with me. We have an important call to make" she announced to the remaining male demon in the room who slowly made his way to her, fear written all over his face.

Sam and Dean were ready. The two demons checked the kitchen and the only place they had yet to look was the one the Winchesters were waiting at. They opened the door and walked in; suddenly the door closed behind them and Sam threw himself on one of the demons while Dean emerged from the locker and charged the other one. Punches were thrown left and right, too many to count. Dean's Angel Blade dropped from his hand since he was too busy struggling to get free from the demon's hold who was trying to choke him. Sam was pinned on the floor, using all of his strength to get the demon he was fighting with off of him. For a second, he took his eyes away from him and turned to Dean, noting that his brother was in real trouble. He seemed like he couldn't breathe anymore, the demons hands around his neck preventing the precious oxygen reaching his lungs and he was nearing unconsciousness.

"Dean! No! "Sam hollered. Watching his brother losing the fight, he somehow managed to channel all his energy, kick the demon on top off him away, stand up and before he could make another move on him, Sam stabbed him in the heart. The painful sound of Dean trying to take a breath caused Sam to turn around and he was welcomed by the other demon's fist that was now focused on taking him out. The force with which the demon hit him, sent Sam crashing on the table behind him which due to its old age broke entirely and Sam ended up in a really awkward position on top of the wooden debris. He shook his head trying to clear the black dots that appeared before his eyes but not in time; the demon grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, lifted him and shoved him against wall. He prepared himself for the impending punch but it never came. Dean had managed to get it together, find the Angel Blade and embed it in the demon's back. Sam stared at Dean who was still trying to catch his breath.

"Thanks!" Sam said panting.

"Me too" Dean told his brother, his voice a bit low and raspy due to the strangulation attempt he endured.

"Yeah, Sammy. I'll live. Let's go. Three down, two to go. Let's finish this and get out of this joint"

"Couldn't agree with you more"

It seemed they had the situation under control. But when they reached the dining area, a surprise was waiting for them. Definitely not a pleasant one.

"Hello, boys!"

Abaddon. The rest of the demons had summoned the new Queen of Hell to join the party. And boy did she want to have her fun with the brothers.

The blood stopped cold in Sam and Dean. They froze in their places and realized they were screwed.

"Oh no … " Dean whispered to himself and glanced at Sam worried but Sam's eyes were fixed on the red-haired demon and his mind was running 1000 miles per second, searching for a way out of this mess.

"Look who's finally landed on my lap! Is it my birthday?"

"Bitches like you have birthdays too? Well, in this case, I'd be happy to blow you a candle. Along with your brains that is" Dean barked.

"How rude to address a lady like that!" Abaddon said, playing offended.

"We don't see a lady anywhere" Sam spat at her.

"And here I thought we had respect for each other. So, here to bow before the Queen, are we?" Abaddon quipped.

"Yeah, no. We'd rather die." Dean said disgusted.

"I suppose you will. You're precious little brother at least. You, on the other hand, I have plans for. Sam's eyes turned from Abaddon to Dean. He felt terrified. Not because of the threat against his life but because of what Abaddon had just said. What plans could she have for Dean? What did she want to do to him? Sam would be damned if he sat by and let the Knight of Hell lay her hands on his big brother.

"Not gonna happen. The only one who's gonna die today is you and these lowlife demons you surround yourself with" Sam spoke grimly. In reality he didn't know how they would manage to kill her. Last they checked she could only be killed by an Archangel and they were a bit out of those at that moment: half of them dead and the others locked in Lucifer's cage.

"Sexy. And how do you plan on doing that, you brave little soldiers? With that toothpick of yours? You tried it once and failed miserably."

Dean's grip on his Angel Blade became even tighter and Abaddon looked at him, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh, with that thing? Shiny. Give me your best shot baby. Can you come close to even use it or is your Angel friend gonna pop up and save the day again?"

Dean froze. Abaddon was gonna let the cat out of the bag and Sam would learn the truth in the most horrible way. Sam glanced at Dean not understanding what the demon was referring to and turned around to face Abaddon.

"What the hell are you talking about? What Angel?" he asked confused.

"Don't play dumb with me, Winchester. You know damn well what I'm saying, you were there. Last time we met, your Angel buddy killed 3 of my demons." Abaddon accused.

"Dean what is she talking about?" Sam's eyes were locked on Dean waiting for answers. Dean could even feel them on him but he found it really difficult to look his brother in the eye. He lowered his head and stared at the tiled floor.

Sam was starting to lose his temper.

"Dean!NOW!"

Abaddon eyed them for a few seconds, not getting what was going on at first but when she put puzzle pieces together she started laughing hysterically.

"Oh my! I have to say, I didn't see that coming! I've known for a while now you Winchesters are insane but this is a whole new level of crazy!"

Dean took his eyes from the floor and glared at her.

"Shut up. SHUT. UP. Or I swear to God I'm gonna-"

"You what, Dean? What are you and your God gonna do? Or should I say you and your feathery friend who's gotten comfy inside your darling little Sammy?"

Sam was left dumbfounded. He must have heard wrong. There's not other explanation. There was no way an Angel was in him. Angels need your consent, right? He hadn't given his consent to anyone. Abaddon was playing tricks on him. But why did Dean appear so guilty? Why wasn't he laughing at her terrible lies? Why wasn't he denying it all? He felt lightheaded for a moment almost lost his balance but his anger kept him upright. How could Dean lie to him about something like that? Sam stared at Dean with an expression that hurt Dean to his core: he looked betrayed, heartbroken and appalled at the same time. Suddenly, he lost it. He walked up at Dean, grabbed him from the shoulders and pushed him against the wall. Dean let out a gasp, the air forced out of him from the force that Sam had shoved him. Abaddon sat at the edge of a table and watched them seeming rather entertained.

"Tell me she's lying! Tell me this is just a sick joke! Dean, speak!" Sam demanded.

Dean stared at Sam's hands which were holding him still but made no move to brush them off. In the end, he found the courage to look him in the eye. His little brother's eyes had started to water and his face was red from rage.

"Sam … I-I had to, I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you and I couldn't let you die!" Dean admitted with a trembling voice.

Sam was officially freaked out. His expression spoke of horror. He didn't blink and he felt like the air had been drawn entirely out of the room. He let go of Dean and took a few steps back, trying to process the huge revelation.

"Sam, Sammy, just-" Dean started to say but was interrupted by Abaddon.

"Enough with your drama act. I can't deny it's been fun watching you break down in front of me like kicked puppies but I've got better business to do. Now, how about a little massacre?

And with that she raised her hand sending Dean flying in mid-air, crashing through the diner's glass partition and landing outside on the ground; he was knocked out cold. Then she turned her attention on Sam who still seemed very much bewildered.

"You, handsome, you're gonna get it a little worse. See, I am not as interested in you as I am in your brother. No hard feelings! Bummer, you didn't get to say goodbye to him. "When she tried to use her power though, it didn't seem to affect him at all. Sam hadn't even flinched in the last couple of moments. It was as if he was not there completely but somewhere lost in the corners of his mind. She tried again and again using both her hands but nothing would work on him. She was starting to get really annoyed when Sam finally snapped out of it and looked at her.

"Leave" he said very seriously and matter of factly in a deep voice.

"What?" Abaddon asked, boiling with anger but also scared. If her powers didn't work on Sam she had to haul ass immediately.

"You heard me" he repeated himself. "LEAVE NOW or I'm gonna make you"

"Is it Sam I'm talking with or the Angel perching on his shoulder?" she queried wearing her evil smile but not hiding her stress.

"Oh, it's Sam alright. I've taken control of the devil, you bitch. Don't you think I can handle one ordinary Angel?" He was outright exasperated now and when he started walking towards her, she retreated and before disappearing she assured:

"This isn't over"

Abaddon's followers were left behind and with Sam so determined they were wasted within two minutes. When Sam finished with them, he wiped Ruby's knife off the blood, picked up the Angel Blade that Dean had dropped earlier and walked outside.

* * *

Closing the door behind him, he put the knife in the pocket of his jacket and dropped his arms at his sides, still holding the Angel Blade in one hand. He didn't even look around to see that Dean had started to come to. He just stared straight, mostly at nothing in particular. His expression was totally blank. After getting to his feet, Dean groaned. He had earned a couple of broken ribs from earlier when he went through the glass partition. Concussion was a given too. He grimaced in pain but he didn't stop to think about it. Instead, he made his way to Sam whose picture scared him terribly. He stood in front of him but didn't dare to speak. A long moment of awkward and tensed silence passed. Dean never took his eyes off Sam while Sam was lost at the nothingness he was staring at. Finally, he was the one who broke the silence.

"I remember. Everything. It all makes sense now. How one moment I feel myself dying and the next I'm alive and kicking. As if the trials never took their toll on me. How you claimed that I just slept it off. How you took out three demons just because you're "awesome". How you knew the Angels were organizing against Cas or how he came back to life. Why you happened to call for a "Zeke" but said I was just imagining things."

"Sam, let me-" Dean tried to stop him but Sam raised his voice so much that he was practically yelling.

Why that cannibal freak asked me what I was and when I woke up I was covered in my own blood with no visible wounds. You've been lying to me non-stop since day one! How could I have been so stupid? You were throwing at me all those ridiculous excuses and I still believed in you. I TRUSTED YOU, YOU DAMN LIAR! Because after everything that happened, after agreeing no more lies between us, I thought we were in this together, I thought it was you and me against the world!" At this point Sam was out of breath and his heart was beating so fast that he thought he was going to explode. He could no longer stop the hot tears streaming down his already burning face.

"No, Sam, NO! It's not like that! If you say you know everything then you know that agreeing to this was my last option. I would have never given the green light if there was another way. But there wasn't. You were in a coma. You were almost dead, Sammy! What should I have done?"

"Let me go! What's dead should stay DEAD!"

"And I'm inclined to ignore this rule when it comes to you. Sam, you said yes to life. You said yes to me!"

"No, I thought I did. You tricked me in the worst way possible! Because I didn't say yes to you, I said yes to HIM and I would have never gone on with it had I known. How many times is my body going to be used by someone else? Huh? How many times do I have to be someone's puppet? Right now, I want to peel my skin off!"

"Sam, please! You have to understand! I couldn't let you die. I had to lie to you and I am more sorry than you could ever imagine but if I had told you the truth and you ejected him you wouldn't have lasted a day. You've no idea how hard these past months have been on me. I was climbing walls, I could tell no one. You think I enjoyed hiding this from you? I hated every second of it. But I sucked it up and I did it for YOU! I did it because of you and because it IS you and me against the world. I couldn't face it without you."

"Oh, really? Because as far as I can see it's not you and me against the world. It's you me and EZEKIEL."

"No, you're wrong Sam. He's leaving soon and you'll be back to your 100 %. And even if you don't want to see it, he's done good. You've done good together. Cas and Charlie would be dead otherwise and probably so would I if Abaddon wasn't scared off by him!"

Sam's eyes were spitting fire. So many emotions going through him, He stared at Dean, his jaw and fists clenched tight. He took a deep breath and looked down at his feet. Dean was observing him, afraid of what his next words would be. He didn't have a good feeling about this. Unfortunately, his instincts would be proven right. Sam's expression softened a little but he remained serious.

"This can't go on. It won't go on. I won't allow it. He's ." Sam declared.

Dean got petrified. Sam was going to eject the Angel. The healing was almost complete but Ezekiel had said there was still some work to be done.

"Sam, no! Don't do this please! Have a little patience! The healing hasn't been completed yet! We don't know what will happen if he leaves your body now!" Dean begged but Sam was quiet. He didn't even look angry anymore.

"This ends tonight." Sam said looking straight at Dean who was worried to death about the determination in Sam's voice.

"Sam … don't …!"

"Get out. Get out NOW!" Suddenly, a wave of pain rushed through his head as if he had been electrocuted and his ears started ringing like someone was playing drums right next to them. He put his hands on the back of his head and shut his eyes trying to fight against the excruciating feeling.

"Aaaaahhh! Oh God! Aaaaahhh!" Sam screamed.

"Sam! Sammy! Noooo! Zeke! Don't leave him, please!"

Sam's legs gave away and he found himself kneeling on the ground. When he opened his eyes, they were flickering in blue light, going on and off as if someone was turning a switch.

"Aaaahhh! He … won't … leave! Why won't you leave?" Sam stuttered, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Sam, please, let it go! Don't fight him!" Dean pled.

Sam, though, couldn't register Dean's words anymore. He was talking with Ezekiel in his mind, ordering him to leave his body but Ezekiel was trying to convince him to stay. Dean, of course, could hear only one side of the conversation.

"No! I don't care if it's complete or not! Just go or I'll have to make you!"

Make him? What was Sam saying? That's when Dean noticed the Angel Blade next to Sam. He realized with horror what Sam was thinking. But before he was able to take it away from him, Sam grabbed it and hastily got on his feet.

"Fine. You give me no other choice then!" Sam stated and turned the Angel Blade against himself.

"Sam! Noooo!" Dean cried out when he saw Sam drive the blade against his abdomen. Blinding light, pierced through the night's blackness making Dean cover his eyes to protect them. Then, there was a sound of something dropping. Not something. Someone. Sam dropped on the ground, a pool of blood starting to form around him, the Angel blade still in his hand. Ezekiel's wings had marked the terrain, burning the grass and leaving nothing but ashes behind. When Dean opened his eyes, the sight before him made him want to be sick.

"SAAAAAAM!" he yelled, running towards his fallen brother. He kneeled down beside him, putting his left hand on Sam's cheek and his right on his forehead.

"Sammy, please! Why did you do this to yourself? Oh, God, NO! Sam, wake up!"

Dean kept calling his brother's name frantically, patting his cheeks and stroking his hair but Sam didn't respond. Dean placed two of his fingers on Sam's neck, searching for a pulse but fearing for the worst.

"Come on, come on!" Dean said whimpering. His tears were blurring his vision and he used his free hand to wipe them away. And then he felt it. A tiny movement under his fingers. A pulse so weak, it normally couldn't sustain a small bird but it was there and Dean would take anything at that moment.

"Thank God! Dean said letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He immediately took his jacket off and pressed it against Sam's wound. He was bleeding immensely but this could at least slow it down a bit.

"Sammy, stay with me. You're gonna be ok. I'm gonna take care of you. That's my job, it's always been and it always will be. Just hold on, ok? I know you can little brother!"

* * *

Dean had to get Sam to a hospital ASAP. They needed to be there yesterday. But the Impala was parked too far from the diner. He couldn't carry him all the way there and there was no way in hell he'd leave him alone. Fortunately, there were a couple of cars near them and he figured since the demons were dead and no one else was around he'd take one of those. He carefully half-carried, half dragged Sam towards one of the cars. He was thankful the doors were unlocked. With much caution, trying not to cause any more damage to his injured brother, he lay Sam across the backseat and once again checked for his pulse. It was barely there, but still there. Sam was so pale and so cold that if not for the weak pulse, someone would have thought he was already gone. He had lost so much blood and Dean knew if he didn't get Sam help, he wouldn't last much longer. He rushed to the driver's seat and within seconds he got the engine running, being well schooled in stealing cars. The hospital was twenty minutes away but to Dean they seemed like twenty centuries. He broke all the speed limits, daring anyone to come after him asking for reasons. His attention was often turned from the road to the backseat where Sam was lying motionless, his chest barely rising.

"We're almost there, Sammy. Almost there! You keep breathing!" Dean begged desperately. When the hospital finally came into sight, Dean pulled the car in the ambulance parking area and he was out before the engine had even stopped.

"HELP! I need help! My brother is dying!" Dean screamed at the top of his lungs. Mere seconds later members of the hospital staff approached him carrying a gurney. Dean had already gotten Sam out of the car and held him in his arms, having kneeled down on the hard concrete. He was clutching Sam's hand so firmly that they had to pry it off when they picked the younger Winchester up and placed him on the gurney. Dean followed them as they wheeled Sam inside but they wouldn't let him go any further after a point.

"But he's my brother! I need to be with him!" Dean shouted his voice breaking as he saw the ER doors closing and Sam disappearing behind them.

"Sir, we're gonna do everything we can for him but you have to-" a middle-aged doctor went on to say when someone was heard from the other end of the corridor saying "His heart stopped! We're losing him!"

Dean's world came crashing down before him. The doctor run to join the others and the older Winchester was left alone in the centre of the white painted hospital corridor not wanting to believe his brother was gone. He kept staring at the ER doors, silent tears making their way down his cheeks. He looked at his hands. They were covered in blood. Sam's blood. He started shaking and his knees threatened to buckle. He would have fallen on the floor if a nurse didn't notice in time how much he was leaning forward and didn't rush to hold him upright. He didn't even become aware of being led to a seat.

"Sir, Sir! Are you alright? Can you hear me?" the nurse asked him but Dean couldn't answer. The only thing that was going through his mind was Sam. He felt completely numb, like his soul was ripped out of him and he was left with a huge hole inside. The sole word that came out of his mouth before he blacked out was his brother's name "Sam … "and then he knew no more.

**TBC**

**What did y'all think? Would you like me to go on? I have already written parts of the next chapter.I intend to make this into 2 or 3 parts at the your review if you can!I really appreciate the feedback :) **


	2. No Rest For The Wicked or the martyrs

His senses came back one at a time. First was the smell; the smell of bleach and sanitizer in the air was making his stomach spin. Then taste. His tongue felt so bitter, he thought something might have died in his mouth. Add that to his throat which felt sore as hell and his really dry lips; he'd kill for some cold water. Hearing returned next. Beeping sounds came from his left side. He found them so annoying he contemplated picking up an axe and start breaking whatever it was that was making the damn noise; a headache had already started to set his skull on fire. Sight was a bigger bitch. His eyes refused to open at first. His stubbornness won over though. After a little while, he managed to open them and look around the place without moving his neck much. He blinked in confusion: white sheets, blue curtains, IVs, heart monitors and various other medical equipment.

_So, a hospital room. Perfect … _he thought. But why was he in a hospital? What had happened and above all where was his brother? He grimaced, trying to bring back the memories of the events that had lead him where he was.

_Ok, we were hunting these demons and then Abaddon showed up and … and … OH MY GOD, NO! SAM! _his eyes widened and he jumped into a sitting position. Last he saw Sam, he was bleeding to death after having stabbed himself with an angel blade, killing Ezekiel and almost killing himself along the way. They had made it to the hospital but then someone said Sam was not breathing anymore. Dean felt utterly frightened. He had to check on his little brother right away. He had to see if he was alive or … Well, he tried to ignore the second possibility. Sam was alive. He had to be. He couldn't even stand the alternative. He pushed the sheets that covered him over and got out of his bed, tossing away the IV needle that was sticking out of his arm. He should have reconsidered doing so though. He had barely made a step when vertigo hit him and he fell hard on the floor. He hissed from pain and tried to pick himself up only to realize he couldn't find his balance.

_Dammit! I don't have time for this shit. Sam needs me! _Dean reminded himself, setting his motive to pull his crap together. Fortunately for him, a male doctor entered the room and rushed to help him off the cold marble floor.

"Sir! Why did you get out of your bed? You're still under the influence of medication. You shouldn't be walking around. You've suffered a bad concussion two broken ribs and multiple lacerations. I was told you drove here. I can't understand how you managed to do so in such a shape."

_Yeah, doc, try having a dying little brother, your only family fading away next to you and tell me if you'd give a damn about anything else. _Dean thought. Back at the demon nest, Abaddon had gotten him pretty banged up and when he came to he didn't have the time to tend to his injuries with everything that happened with Sam and Zeke. It wasn't until they reached the hospital and he heard that Sam wasn't breathing that it all caught up with him and he collapsed.

"You will be able to check out tomorrow but you need to remain in bed until you can stand without tripping" the doctor continued and helped Dean back onto the bed. But Dean did not care at all about what he was just told since the only thing he wanted to hear was how Sam was.

"Doc, I don't have time for any of this. I need to see my brother. Please, can you tell me how he is?" Dean asked, eager to know but simultaneously afraid of the answer. The doctor took in a long breath that held in for a moment and looked very hesitant to answer. Dean could no longer hide his uncontrollable worry and terror and gripped the doctor's shirt.

"Tell me! Please, tell me he's not … Please!" Dean begged now on the verge of crying.

The doctor didn't try to take Dean's hand off. He knew how these things went. He'd been working in hospitals for a long time to know well how people reacted to their family getting seriously hurt. Instead, he put one hand on Dean's shoulder.

"He's still alive, sir. Calm down. But … "

_ALIVE_. Dean heard the one word he needed to hear. He sighed heavily and went on to process the other word. _BUT_. He wasn't very fond of this one. It never meant anything good. He let go of the doctor's shirt and decided to receive the rest of the information.

"But … what? Come on! Don't keep me in the dark! I have to know. He's all I got. And I'm all he's got. Tell me!"

"Your brother was in a very critical condition when you brought him in. His heart stopped twice but fortunately we were able to revive him by combining CPR and defibrillation. The stab wound was very serious. Whatever blade went through his abdomen punctured several of his vital organs. We managed to repair the damage on the majority of them during the surgery he underwent but we are still very worried about the damage on his liver. As you can understand he has lost a lot of blood and we have been providing him with more to replenish it. He's not breathing on his own and that's another thing to worry about. He's on a ventilator. We've moved him to the ICU and we've been monitoring him closely. We won't know more until he wakes up. If he wakes up …"

Dean wanted to scream and burn everything to the ground. _If he wakes up?_ _What's that supposed to mean? Sam is not supposed to be here in the first place. He was in the same state only a few months ago and once again he's found himself near death._

What was there left to do? There was no one to heal him, no one to turn this around. Dean had nothing this time. No good options, no bad options. He just had to hope that his brother was strong enough to win this battle on his own.

"If … he wakes up? You're telling me that my brother might not make it?" Dean looked at the doctor with an expression equal to that of a little child, helpless and scared who had just been told he'd been orphaned.

"I'll be honest with you. The odds are not particularly in his favor. The next 36 hours are very critical. But if he survives that long, I firmly believe he has a good chance of pulling through.

_36 hours_. They sounded more like 36 years to Dean. He'd try to keep it together though, for Sam's sake. He'd be next to him until he'd open his eyes. Because Sam would. He was a fighter. Dean had made sure to raise him as one. Now he had to stay by his side and pray to the absent God to help his brother beat this and come out a winner. He figured after everything they'd given, after everything they'd sacrificed, He owed them that much.

"I want to see him. I have to be with him" Dean announced decisively.

"Sir, I told you, you need to rest for a bit longer. You're no good to your brother if you collapse again"

"I'll be fine. I can rest when I know his life is no longer in danger. Now, you can either take me to him or I'll have to start searching by myself."

The doctor tried to protest but he dropped it as soon as he realized how serious Dean was. He was glaring at him as if ready to attack like a wild dog but at the same time he seemed so sad and broken that he no longer felt the urge to reason with him.

"I guess, I can't talk you out if this. Fine, I'll get a nurse to bring you your clothes and help you get to your brother's room"

Dean nodded a thank you and the doctor went to do what he promised. Five minutes later, a brunette nurse came into Dean's room and handed him his stuff. She waited outside until Dean was ready. It took Dean more time than he wanted to put his clothes on. His body ached and his head pounded like crazy. He had to steady himself against the wall twice so as to not faceplant like the last time. When he got out, the nurse noticed that he was a bit pale and disoriented.

"Sir, are you sure you're ok to walk?" she kindly asked.

"Yeah, I'll be ok" he replied with uncertainty in his voice.

"Alright, follow me please"

They had made only a couple of steps before Dean had to support himself again, this time on a vending machine they were passing by in the long hospital corridor.

"Let me help you" the nurse offered and Dean didn't turn the help down.

She put one arm around his waist and with the other she held his hand. He felt a little embarrassed but he knew it would be better if he reached Sam conscious and in one piece. A whole lot quicker too, given he wasn't very good on his feet.

* * *

When they finally arrived at the room, Dean froze in place. Sam was hooked up to many different wires and machines. He looked so young and innocent, so still and small lying in the hospital bed despite his gigantic size. The nurse helped Dean sit into a chair next to Sam's bed and told him to page her in case he needed anything. He thanked her for her assistance and gave her a weak smile. Once left alone, Dean took an even more thorough look at Sam. A ventilator tube was set down his throat doing the breathing job for him.

"This is so wrong. So wrong! Why can't I be in your place? Why did you do this to yourself, Sammy?" Sam's face was so ghostly pale as if the blood had been drained from him entirely.

_Close _Dean thought. There was a blood bag next to the IV one, supplying Sam with what he had lost. Dean took his brother's hand in his and turned his gaze upon him, wishing Sam was looking back at him with that puppy dog expression he'd often pull that made even the 35 year old man give in.

"Sammy, it's me, Dean. I'm here little brother. I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you, you hear?" Dean didn't even bother stopping his tears from falling down.

"Sam, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I wish with all my heart I could trade places with you. But I can't. And I can't turn back time and correct the wrongs I've done. You need to understand what I did, I did for you. I couldn't lose you then and I can't lose you now. Please, man … Just, wake up! And if you want to hate me that's fine. Even if you never want to see me again, I will not try to convince you otherwise. All I need to know is that you will be ok. Keep fighting, Sam. Cause if you don't and you … you … Well you know, I won't be far behind. Hold on, Sammy"

Dean sat there, next to his comatose brother, holding his hand and asking him to fight for his life for hours until he exhausted himself and sleep claimed him. He woke up later in a very uncomfortable position and his body felt rather stiff. He was glad to realise that the medication's effects had worn off and he was more lucid than before. He didn't feel dizzy anymore but he was really thirsty. He checked up on Sam whose state seemed to remain unchanged, stood up and walked out of the room. He was walking steadily now and despite the pain from his two broken ribs he was feeling a lot better. He found the vending machine he had spotted earlier and bought a bottle of water and coffee. He drank the water greedily and took the coffee with him, starting to make his was back to Sam. Before he reached the room though, his cell phone rang. He took it out of the front pocket of his jeans and read the screen name. It was Kevin. The kid must have been worried. They were away from the Bunker for 2 days now. The hunt gone bad had taken place the day before and they should have returned home by now. He pressed the answer button and spoke

"Hey, Kevin"

"Dean! What the hell, man? Where are you?"

"We've run into some trouble Kev" Dean admitted.

"What happened? Are you and Sam ok? Kevin asked, the concern clear in his tone.

"I'm ok now but Sam … He's pretty far from alright"

Dean went on to explain to him their unfortunate adventures and Sam's suicidal act. Kevin insisted on visiting them at the hospital but Dean explained to him that it was too dangerous. Especially, with Abaddon out for their heads. The last thing he needed was worry about him as well. Kevin didn't like staying behind because frankly he was too worried about the Winchesters. They had become family and ever since he lost his mother, Sam and Dean had practically become his bigger brothers. He made Dean promise him he'd call if he had any news on Sam and told him to be careful.

"Be careful too, kid. And stay away from Crowley" Dean pointed out.

After hanging up, Dean scrolled down his contacts list and stopped on Cas's number. He debated for a minute whether or not he should call him but he was all alone and he felt the need to get some things off his chest. He couldn't go through this again without having someone there and Cas was the only one he had. He couldn't risk having Kevin out of the bunker and Charlie was off to her journey to Oz.

_What a perfect timing _Dean pondered. He decided to call him. The phone rang a few times and soon Cas picked up.

"Hello? Dean?"

"Yes, Cas, it's me" Dean replied, not sounding very lively.

"Are you ok? You don't sound ok. Is something the matter?" the former Angel asked anxious to know what was wrong.

"Cas, it's Sam. We're in a hospital. Something … something really bad happened and he's hurt. I don't know what to do, man."

"Oh no … What happened, Dean? Tell me where you are and I'll come find you."

"I don't know if this is right. You're safe where you are. I don't want you to get hurt too. Plus, it's not like I've been the best friend to you lately. I told you to leave the bunker. And Cas … I've lied to you. I've lied to both Sam and you"

There was a short pause but Cas returned with much determination in his voice.

"Dean, I don't know what it is you lied to us about but I'm sure you meant no harm. And I'm not mad at you. I'm really not. We're gonna talk about everything when we meet. Now tell me where you are and I'll be there as fast as I can. You're not going through this by yourself. You understand?"

Dean smiled and sighed. He honestly couldn't stand being alone in this once more and felt so relieved that his friend wasn't going to abandon him. Dean believed he deserved to be abandoned after pushing Cas away but Cas had a different opinion; he'd stand by him through this hard time not only because Dean needed him but also because Sam was his friend too and he cared much about him as well. Eventually, Dean gave Cas the information on how to get to the hospital and they estimated it was gonna take Cas about 7 hours to get to it. He had to take a bus since he didn't know how to drive yet. After ending the call, Dean returned to Sam's room to keep vigil over his brother. He saw the doctor there checking his vitals. The doctor explained that there was no change but it seemed like Sam was fighting and that made Dean's face twist into a smile. After the doctor left, Dean resumed his post on the chair beside Sam and felt a tiny sparkle of hope nesting inside his heart. Sam was fighting and soon their friend would be there with them. Perhaps, they'd get through this. Perhaps, things would get fixed. But Dean didn't know that outside of the hospital, evil was lurking, waiting for the right moment to strike.

* * *

By the time Cas made it to the hospital, 13 hours had passed since Dean was told Sam had to hold on for at 36 hours. There was a little less than a day to go. Sam hadn't woken up yet but his condition hadn't gone downhill. Dean was conservatively optimistic for Sam's survival. When Cas located Sam's room, he walked inside quietly and gazed at Sam's unconscious form. It saddened him to look at his friend being like that. What was worse for him was his inability to heal him. He no longer had his grace and thus his powers were completely gone. In the past, he could have just put two fingers on Sam's forehead and the younger Winchester would be fine in a matter of seconds. But this was no longer possible.

"Cas, you're here" Dean spoke and smiled sadly when Cas finished taking in Sam's state.

"I came here as fast as I could. Dean, I'm sorry. What happened? You look hurt too. What was that thing you told me on the phone about lying?" Cas queried. He was worried and wanted to learn how his friends got in this mess.

"We'd better talk outside" Dean said, stood up and lead the way out; Cas followed behind. Dean needed some air and so they got out to the hospital's back yard. They found a bench and both sat down.

"Dean, talk to me. Something's been bothering you"

Dean pinched his nose, ran a hand through his hair and breathed heavily.

"I screwed up, Cas. I really did this time. Sam is in there because of me" Dean said, his words coming out in choked syllables.

"Why do you believe so?" Cas asked perplexed.

"Sam is not in the hospital because someone attacked him. He stabbed himself. He did this … "

"He what? Why would he try to kill himself?" Cas couldn't believe his own ears.

"That's the thing. He wasn't trying to kill himself. He was trying to kill … Ezekiel. And he succeeded only he paid the price too."

"Ezekiel? Dean, I don't think I'm following. Why? What made him think stabbing himself would kill Ezekiel? And why did he want to kill him in the first place? I thought you told me after the Fall, he showed up and healed Sam from the trials' effects. Isn't this what happened?"

"Not exactly … See, Cas, Sam was so damaged from them that there was nothing the doctors could do for him. His insides were burnt and he didn't have long. Not even Ezekiel could heal him. He was dying in front of my eyes, Cas … I couldn't let him die. Not when there was one last thing that could save his life"

"What last thing?" Cas had started to see where Dean was going but he let Dean say it out loud.

"Zeke said he could fix Sam but this was only possible if he was inside him. If he was … possessing him" Dean looked in Cas's eyes but when he saw his horror he quickly turned away.

"Possessing? But how did he get Sam to say yes?" Cas asked bewildered.

"Through me. I told Zeke what to say to Sam and then he went into his mind. Sam said yes thinking it was me trying to keep him alive. I wanted to tell him, Cas! Since day 1! But Zeke said if Sam knew the truth he would probably eject him right away and if he had done that he would have died. So, we agreed to keep it a secret. He erased Sam's memory of that day and the last thing he remembered was what happened at the church. As time went by, he got stronger and stronger. Happier as well! He had never looked better. That's until we went after that damn demon nest and Abaddon showed up. She told him about Ezekiel. Sam managed to get control of him and when he didn't agree to leave, Sam stabbed himself with the angel blade. And now I'm responsible for both of them, Cas. Sam's once again fighting to live and Ezekiel is dead. He never did anything but help us. He's the one who brought you back to life. Charlie too. And he protected Sam all along. He didn't deserve to go out like that. He might have been the one who said you couldn't stay with us at the bunker but he was afraid of the other Angels too. If they learnt what he was doing and how he saved you, he'd become number 2 on their wanted list. Cas … I'm so sorry. So sorry …"

Cas was out of words. He didn't know how to respond to all that. At some point, he felt angry at Dean but the anger was gone as fast as it came. What Dean had done was indeed extreme. But he understood his reasons. And he was alive thanks to his decisions. He concluded not to blame him. Dean had lost so much in the past years and he couldn't lose his brother too. Plus, Cas didn't exactly feel innocent himself after everything that happened with Metatron and the other Angels. Instead, he intended to console Dean and support him.

"Dean, look at me" Cas said sympathetically.

Dean couldn't take his eyes from the ground. If he stared any longer, he would have opened holes in it. When Cas repeated himself, he slowly turned his gaze upon him, red-eyed from the tears that for a long time were threatening to fall and with a shameful expression.

"I'm not saying what you did was right because it goes against free will but I can understand why you did it. I do. And I'm not accusing you of anything. When it comes to me, you should know that I don't hold any grudges against you; you shouldn't feel guilty. I'm alive thanks to you and honestly I'm starting to feel ok with my life. Being on my own has taught me many things. Losing your brother was not an option. I would have done anything to help too. Look, I'll stay here until Sam gets better. He will get better, Dean. And when he wakes up, you two are going to talk and you're gonna fix what you think is broken. Feeling bad about everything isn't gonna help you, my friend. You should think positive and look forward to getting out of here along with Sam."

Dean felt overwhelmed by Cas's talk. At least, his best friend understood him and still had faith in him. He felt a part of his guilt lifting off his heart and gave Cas a smile.

"Thank you, Cas. Really, thank you. It means a lot. It's good to have you here, buddy."

"You're welcome. I'm glad that you're not alone. What do you say? Shall we go back to see Sam?" Cas proposed.

"Yeah, lets." Dean agreed. They had made their way half across the hospital yard towards the entrance when they heard someone calling them from behind.

"And where do you think you're going, lovelies?" a female voice asked.

They turned around just in time to see Abaddon charge them but too late to avoid her attack. She sent Cas flying into the air, hitting against a tree and landing on the ground while she punched Dean twice, making him kneel before her.

"I told you. I always get what I want. You and I are gonna spend some quality time together, lover boy" she quipped grabbing Dean by his neck.

"Leave him alone!" Cas hollered, trying getting to his feet, a trickle of blood making its way from his left temple down his cheek.

Abaddon laughed and tightened her hold around Dean's neck. Dean was struggling to get free, using both his hands to push Abaddon's away, but between the injuries he had already suffered and the brand new blows, he was losing the fight. Abaddon kicked Dean's ribs with her boot and he screamed out of pain; he forgot how to breathe for a moment.

"Stop it!" Cas yelled at her, both angry and scared.

"Stop!"

She laughed once more and turned to face Cas

"Give his half-dead brother my best. Oh and if there's a chance in hell he wakes up, tell him he's never gonna see Dean again. This time there's no Angel having your backs, dear" she sassed and punched Dean one more time but so hard she rendered him unconscious. Still grasping him from the neck she gave Cas an evil smirk and disappeared into thin air.

"Noooo!" Cas snarled. He ran to the spot where Abaddon was standing seconds ago and desperately looked at all directions.

Abaddon had taken Dean. Who knew what she'd do to him? Sam was in a coma and Cas was left alone and helpless.

* * *

There was no one else to help them. He panicked and put his hands on his head, feeling despair taking him over. His heart hammered against his chest and his heart picked up the pace. He ran inside the hospital, worrying about Sam. He reached his room panting and outright frightened. He sighed in relief when he saw him still in the hospital bed, not harmed further by someone Abaddon could have sent to finish him off.

_What am I supposed to do? How can I help them? _he asked himself not knowing how to handle the situation. Once more, he cursed Metatron for stealing his grace but he was quickly snapped out of his thoughts when Sam started gagging, choking on the ventilator.

"Sam? Sam?" Cas shouted, approaching Sam and touching his shoulders. He knew he had to call for help so he got out of the room and started yelling

"Help! I need some help in here! Please!" Cas's screams alerted the medical personnel and soon they arrived shoving Cas away. Cas waited outside the door, feeling totally terror stricken. Dean was gone and now Sam?

_No, no, no, no, this isn't happening! _he felt like crying for the first time in his short human life. His only friends were dying and he was entirely useless. He didn't find the time to break down though as the doctor exited Sam's room.

"Who are you? Where is his brother?" the doctor asked with suspicion.

"I-I'm Sam's cousin. Dean-ah-he had to leave to get something from their home. He left me to watch over Sam. What happened? Is he … ?"

"Huh, Ok then. No, it's not what you think. Quite the contrary. I've got good news. He no longer needs the ventilator. He's breathing on his own. We've placed a nasal cannula under his nose to make sure he gets the full amount of oxygen he needs. Things are looking good for him. I hadn't expected him to do so well so early. He woke up briefly but he quickly went back to sleep. He needs all the rest he can get. His vitals are looking better too but he's not completely out of the woods yet. We'll keep monitoring his condition closely but I'm positive now he will pull through."

Cas smiled at the doctor and thanked him. He was very happy to hear that Sam would make it. At least he had the chance of getting out of his situation. Dean on the other hand … He was at the mercy of the Queen of Hell. How would he tell Sam about this when he woke up? And how was going to bring him back alone? Sam would be in no shape to go after Abaddon

"Son, you're bleeding, you noticed that?" the doctor eyed Cas questioningly.

"What?" Cas was taken aback, having forgotten the blow to his head. He reached a hand to his face and felt the now dried blood.

"Oh, ah- I-I missed a step while walking up the stairs. I felt the pain but I didn't realize I was bleeding" he lied fearing the doctor wouldn't buy his lies.

"Right … " the doctor said sounding not very convinced but neither willing to do something about it.

"Go to the nurses' office and ask for someone to check this up. It doesn't look serious but better to be careful than sorry."

"Ok, I will. Thanks again" Cas responded trying to come across as innocent. When the doctor and the rest of the staff walked away from Sam's room, Cas glanced at Sam through the window and saw him sleeping peacefully.

_If only you knew …_ Cas thought and then went to tell a nurse about his small injury. They cleaned his face, bandaged him and handed him a pill in case he felt a headache later. He wanted to waste no more time on himself and he quickly headed back to Sam. Sam really did seem better, his breathing normal and evened out but he was still somewhat pale. Cas stood above him and wondered how he'd tell Sam about his brother. Should he tell him the truth as soon as he would wake up or tell him something else to buy some time? Whatever the case, how would they save Dean from Abaddon's hands?

**TBC**

**So what did you guys think of this chapter? I know, I know, I am so mean with the boys! But what can I say. I am a sucker for hurt!fics! Do you like how this story goes so far? I have lots of ideas for the next chapter but I'd love to hear what you'd want to see. Maybe I'll write it in the story! I think it's gonna become a 4-part story eventually. Please leave me a review if you can! Reviews are love ;) I always appreciate the feedback :D**


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